First Pages: #2

AZ / Inhabit

Although I really did find a way to power the rockets to take hundreds of us throughout the solar system, the only product of my entire career struggle working in so-called "rocket science," was that people wanted to hear the story.

“Entire career struggle” is confusing, but right on. I want to hear the story too.

As the "Featured Evening Speaker", again and again, they would keep me long after I was finished talking, asking me questions. What was so captivating? Was it the stories about how we can actually leave the Earth? Or was it just that I was telling them stories and entertaining them? Or was it my struggle against the real world and reality? I can't tell, so I am telling the story

You know, this is a really interesting topic, but it could be a lot more engaging. The Featured Speaker Q&A is a really great way to give your readers vicarious access to your storyteller. This technique would work a lot better as a scene than a narrative. Drop us right into that Q&A with some dialogue.

The struggle to make a Vision come alive, a kind of Exodus Path to Leave Earth, became intense, compelling, overpowering, and took on a single purpose at the moment when I first found out there was water in space. I knew immediately I could use it.

Clarify this a little more, and use it in the back story after you’ve hooked us with some speaker-audience interaction.

At the end of that career, after I "retired" and started another, I had discovered comparatively simple ways to do it:

Wait, which career ended and which started? Ease into this transition.

• to use the water objects and ice comets in neospace as gas stations,
• to use nuclear-heated steam rockets to move us,
  
• to travel the solar system,maybe to live on ice moons of the Sun System,
• maybe to use giant, ice-igloo, hollow wheels as space ships,
• to move killer asteroids and comets out of the way without atomic bombs.

Clean this list up; you’ve got some unclear concepts and you’ve mixed vague ideas with solid problem-solving.

We would inhabit, occupy, move minor planets and other celestial objects.

After all the effort, all the Visions, I got old instead of making it happen.

Love this line. Is this the focus of the story?