"Hi, I just wrote a book?"

I literally hear that at least once a week, rising inflection and all. I suppose calling a publisher for instructions is a step above shipping off your opus with nary a "submissions guidelines" googling, but it's a little one.

It's astounding how casually so many would-be writers approach the publishing process. Like it's a hobby that should instantly pay off if pursued one afternoon when your dog does the cutest thing and you just have to write it down. Bingo bango! Career!

Guys. No. We'll address the pet thing in another post, but as for the work you put into writing and getting published, treat it like a job.

ToughLove's 4-Step Guide to Agentless Submitting

1. Study, Practice Writing. Repeat. Read, write, take writing classes. As much as you possibly can. Write your opus. And then write another one, cause the first one's pretty much guaranteed to be crap.
   
2. Research. All publishing houses, even ones who publish the same genre, have distinct styles that they're known for and markets that they cater to. Sending your work to a house it's not a fit for is an utter waste of time. That's not to say your manuscript should mimic their top seller, but it should be compatible with their list in topic and style. A house that specializes in children's literature and young YA is not going to be interested in your erotic historical thriller. When you find a likely publisher, do your research on them, too. If they accept unsolicited submissions, they have guidelines. They will be easy to find, probably in multiple formats. Follow them to the letter. The "acquisitions editor" listed is bogus, but it's the best you can do without connecting with someone at a conference or such.
   
3. Submit. Follow their guidelines, and tweak your cover letter to fit and address their needs. Think about who might want to read your book, and for what reason. Your publisher is going to have to sell it; make it seem possible. Include relevant information on yourself, the topic, and the source of your expertise on the subject. More on that later.
4. Wait. Don't bother checking on status unless your work was requested. No one knows, no one cares. Your manuscript is in a pile, and it will be read. Calling and harrassing the receptionist* has a better chance of getting your MS filed in the trash than hurrying up the process. Again, manuscript submission is like a job interview. If you come across as hard to work with, your work isn't worth dealing with you.

*Be aware that in some small publishing houses (and big ones in this economy, for all I know), there is no receptionist. Which means that sometimes, perhaps most of the time, the person answering your call has a hand in the slush. Conduct yourself professionally, for godsakes.